the power of coincidence

I was driving down the coast towards San Francisco in the summer, stopped for a sandwich in a little town, popped into a secondhand bookshop and bought this: As you can see, it came highly recommended, by the Dalai Lama (not just recommended, he actually wrote the preface) and several reputable writers. It turns out to be wonderful.  I have it by my bedside and the chapters are long enough to be interesting and short enough to get through before I fall asleep. Each chapter describes and reflects on a [...]

2019-01-17T17:44:24+00:0017 January 2019|Uncategorised|0 Comments

A divorce is for life, not just for Christmas

I read in last Saturday’s Guardian that thirteen people filed for Divorce on Christmas Day. Christmas Day can be tough for a lot of people, but that’s a hell of a way to spend the afternoon. It’s my theory that these divorce petitions had little to do with wanting to end a marriage. They are more about hitting out from a place of pain; hurting someone who’s hurt you. And pretty effective, if that’s what you’re trying to do. That need to wound someone who’s hurt you – it’s an [...]

Resolutions don’t solve anything

There is a flaw in the New Year Resolution system. It’s not just that the emphasis is on what you didn’t do very well last year – and that’s always going to be a bit negative; it’s not just that the commitments are unrealistic – if you haven't been reading a novel a week for the last 20 years, you’re probably not going to in 2019; it’s not just that you leave the list until a couple of days before (or after) January 1st, the one time of year you’ll [...]

No such thing as a bully

Bullies have been on my mind lately.  A few weeks ago we had the headline in the Guardian about a ‘bullying culture’ in universities.  I work in this sector, so the story was both interesting and familiar and prompted me to a direct marketing campaign – I can help employers with this kind of problem. Next I conducted a mediation where both parties were complaining about being bullied by the other.  This isn’t as unusual as it sounds.  My job (successful in this case) was to help each party hear [...]

How I went to the car wash and learned some embarrassing facts about my psyche

I’ve owned  a car since 1988 – not the same one, but not that many.  I’m on my third.  In those thirty years, I've never taken it into a car wash.  Which means that I have mostly been driving  a dustbin.  Things accumulate.  Plastic bags, pens, shopping lists, CDs without covers, bits of mud, grass, crumbs.  How do those crumbs get there?   I hardly ever use the car, much less eat in it.  Never, in thirty years, until today.  I've just treated myself to a valet. It’s the best feeling.  [...]

2018-09-13T18:15:24+00:0013 September 2018|Uncategorised|0 Comments

Talking too loudly on the bus

I am on a trip down the west coast of the US, taking in a few large cities and some smaller places.  It’s easy coming to the States, apart from the money.  Or not so much the money, but the tick I’ve developed whereby I can’t help comparing the notes to Monopoly.  It’s boring for anyone in the vicinity and I’m dealing with it.  The language is by and large the same; the culture is familiar from films and TV; America’s  political news was the world’s news even before Trump [...]

My Excellent Memory

I am proud of my excellent memory.  I know exactly what people said, what they wore, how the behaved, years back.  No one queries it, which is how I know I’m right. I am currently visiting the apartment in Aix en Provence that I first visited as a fifteen year old.  It’s not unusual to visit places you came to as a child, often you visit periodically over your life.  I guess it’s slightly less usual to have had a forty year gap. Several things have struck me.  First, I’d [...]

2018-08-21T19:50:49+00:0021 August 2018|coaching, memory, misunderstanding, Uncategorised|0 Comments

What I learned from losing my website

I lost my website a fortnight ago.  It was my fault.  I ignored an email that looked quite boring.  It was from the hosting company, referring to something I didn’t recognise and asking me to update my card details, in itself a tedious task.  I hadn’t kept a copy of the website (though I managed to retrieve bits of pieces of it).  I especially hadn’t kept copies of the blog posts.  I drafted them straight onto the site. There are so many morals from this sorry story that I hardly [...]

2018-07-03T13:48:04+00:0024 June 2018|loss, Uncategorised|1 Comment