M is for Murmuration (but really La Mer)

M is for murmuration. Isn't it wonderful? But this is going to be M is for mer. As in la mer. The sea. Sea swimming. I hear a collective sigh. Not again. You get it. Swimming in cold water is amazing, give her a biscuit. But I was wondering, what is it about this cold sea swimming thing that works for me? Oh yes, bragging opportunities, being at one with nature (if Brighton beach constitutes nature), the build-up of brown fat, camaraderie, (though I tend to be on the antisocial [...]

2024-01-10T13:40:28+00:0010 January 2024|A to Z of Life Coaching, alive, Bravery, coaching, coaching skills, courage, Daring, fear, murmuration, personal development, winter swimming|Comments Off on M is for Murmuration (but really La Mer)

L is for Life Coach

I loathe the term Life Coach. I use it because it’s the only way people can find me. Why don’t I like it? Snobbery, mainly. Because it sounds flaky and uneducated. Because a Life Coach is just a poor person’s therapist. Because life coaching is all about goals and accountability, and I don’t usually work that way. Because Life Coach is a job for people who aren’t qualified for anything else. Because of this Life Coach. Because Life Coach sounds like I’ll have a whole lot of tools and a [...]

From FOMO to FOGO

The end of lockdown is just around the corner.  Data permitting (oh yeah?), we’re going to be released in stages, end of March, mid April, mid summer.  Travel companies have started to beg people to book holidays. People are planning their catch up parties.  It’ll be a summer of celebration. Even writing that paragraph has sent a shudder of buzzy anxiety through my system.  Hang on while I take some deep breaths.  Asking around, it seems this feeling is common. There are some obvious reasons for this growing panic: the [...]

2021-03-17T13:00:00+00:0017 March 2021|coaching skills, introversion, kindness, lockdown, social isolation|Comments Off on From FOMO to FOGO

A Crash Course in Responsibility

I pranged the car on Saturday, someone went into the back of me. There’s never an excuse for someone going into the back of you, it’s what brake lights were invented for.  That, in the first nano seconds after that horrible crunchy thud, is what raced through my mind. Blame the other guy. By the time I was getting out of the car to inspect the damage, I knew that was wrong.  I was to blame.  It was my fault. By the time me and the other guy were standing [...]

2021-02-23T15:17:30+00:0023 February 2021|blame, coaching, coaching skills, responsibility|Comments Off on A Crash Course in Responsibility

I can’t be defined by a donkey

One of the ways my daughter made my recent lockdown birthday special was to arrange a surprise breakfast zoom with my sisters; there we all were, croissants, coffee and flowers in three different houses. My sisters had prepared a little game. I had to work out some clues which would lead me to their gifts. The clues related to images, items and icons from my childhood. One of the clues was about my grandparents’ car, another was about push-along donkey, and a third referenced a pair of stilts; all, as [...]

2021-02-22T16:08:43+00:005 February 2021|active listening, coaching, coaching skills, Uncategorised|Comments Off on I can’t be defined by a donkey

Not drowning but braving

I woke up last Sunday, a mild dose of anxiety making me feel slightly sick – the struggle of lockdown, the crisis in the world and not knowing when it will end.  A dip in the sea, that would do the trick. The high tide was going out.  The water was murky and turbulent; swimmable but with a definite edge and a lot less peaceful than the flat water we enjoyed at the beginning of the month. Normally, I get changed quickly once I’m on the beach, get in, get [...]

2021-01-28T14:04:37+00:0028 January 2021|anticipation, brighton, change, choice, coaching, coaching skills, decisions, fear, Hope, sea swimming, self compassion, winter swimming|Comments Off on Not drowning but braving

Now we are [nearly] six[ty]

I am sixty at the end of this month.  I know lots of people are sixty and some are even older, but it's still ... a bit of a thing. I can’t have a party, which serves me right because I’ve always made a huge fuss about having to have one.  I was going to have a few people round the weekend before; I intended to spend the actual day with my family and I’d planned a holiday with a friend just after.  A perfect triad of low-key celebration, all [...]

2021-01-21T14:58:26+00:0021 January 2021|anticipation, being alone, brighton, change, coaching, coaching skills, connection, Hope, meaning making, moving, optimism, social isolation|Comments Off on Now we are [nearly] six[ty]

How To Not Feel Dread

I am a creature of habit, almost detrimentally so. I never change my running route, I swim at the same time most days, I write my diary, I buy the same things from the supermarket, I have two bicycle circuits. One goes down the big hill then up a short, steep climb to the golf course; the other takes the same roads but the other way around which including a long tough hill on Saddlescombe Road. It’s this second version that I dread, enough to stop me enjoying the entire [...]

2021-01-14T15:32:02+00:0014 January 2021|active listening, anticipation, coaching, coaching skills, dread, exercise, fear, Hope, lockdown|Comments Off on How To Not Feel Dread

The Wrong Jam

There is a pot of jam that has been in my fridge a very long time.  It’s delicious, Bonne Maman.  It’s full flavoured, blue black, firm and smooth.  Blackcurrant jelly.  So why haven't I eaten it? The problem is the label.  The label says it’s Gelée Framboises. There is no way this jam is made from raspberries.  I know I should be able to ignore the label and simply enjoy the taste but instead I find I’m suspicious. I’m not really sure I can trust it. I’ve noticed the same [...]

2020-06-10T13:58:32+01:0010 June 2020|active listening, coaching, coaching skills, dispute resolution, label, listening, mistake, solutions, Uncategorised|Comments Off on The Wrong Jam

How to talk to difficult people No 3

I wrote some blogs a few weeks back on how to talk to the difficult people in your household, especially those who find you even more difficult.  I hope that’s been going well, but remember it does take practice. Today I’m going to give some examples of things we say when we mean to be helpful but which never seem to make things better.  I’m going to offer some alternatives. Sentences that start: Why don’t you … If only you would … All I ask is that … ...  hardly [...]

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